I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
