so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
