woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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