Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
