So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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