idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
