wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize