i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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