Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
