There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
