Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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