So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
