I just pynch a tree in the face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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