I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
