So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
