i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
True college students do jello shots in the library
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
