awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if only i could text you this smell
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
