I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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