HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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