We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
