I met the friendliest cop last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
