I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
