I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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