if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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