The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
