I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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