I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
