i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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