May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
