Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I want a musical about memes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
