So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
