Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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