When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
