Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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