The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
