i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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