I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
