can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
