took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
