Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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