I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
