And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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