im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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