btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
