i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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