My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
