Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
