they need to just BURY HIM!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
