They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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