Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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