Need sex. Gaining weight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
