I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
