eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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