Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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