Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
