I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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