bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
