u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We need to get me chipped asap
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
