Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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