you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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