Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
