nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
