I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
