I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
